what now?

Even though the mass exodus seems to have stopped (at least for now), the Seahawks are still left with a mild quandary at a few positions. And, yes, that includes wide receiver, if only because of the large amount of untested blood we’re going to be throwing on the battlefield come September.

There’s Ben Obumanu, who had glimpses of clutch brilliance in limited situations last year. He stepped in to fill in for a few of our starters, and I know I’m not alone in saying it looked like he had the ability to start all 16 games without a hitch next season. Courtney Taylor, who barely got any playing time this season, looks quick, runs deep and has great hands. Logan Payne, who was signed off the practice squad in the eleventh hour before the playoffs, has yet to step on the field and catch a Hasselbeck dart, but Holmgren has been touting his talent like he’s an unheralded savant. Maybe losing Hackett isn’t such a bad thing after all? Hell, the guy left a solid team making a run for the Super Bowl in a legendary coach’s swansong season to be a #2 with an injury-prone QB, when he could’ve easily stayed here and been a #1.

After Steve Smith steals Hackett’s 10^th touchdown grab in the middle of the year and the rest of us are sitting back and wincing in agony for what could’ve been, I think I’ll be among the few who will be glad to see the newer guys step up and lead the charge into clinching another division title.

But compared to a few other problems that Ruskell is working to address, the plight at receiver hardly seems worth mentioning. We did beef up the offensive line – well, stabilizing it would be a better way to put it – with the major pickup being Mike Wahle and reaching another deal with Sean Locklear. Wahle is a Pro Bowl guard who was surprisingly released by Carolina a couple months ago, and Ruskell jumped at the chance to snag him before anyone else knew what the hell was happening.

Ruskell has a really good strategy when it comes to his job. It’s simple and should be more widely-utilized by other GMs, but you’re not gonna find me complaining if it’s not. It goes something like this –

Step 1: Remove head from ass.

Step 2: Look around.

 
But we’ve still got the infamous tight end dilemma, and I have a gut-wrenching feeling that some dude from Hell’s Asshole named Jed Putzier is a start, but not a savior by any means. Having a warm body in the role is fine, but why the hell haven’t we released Marcus Pollard and worked out some kind of deal with Will Heller? Heller did one…er…hell, of a good job in one game this year where he caught two passes, both for touchdowns. (I was kicking myself for acting on my instincts and grabbing him from the waiver wire that week in fantasy. Don’t ask me why; I don’t question these feelings I get. Then again, those same feelings made me take Corey Dillon in the 2^nd round two years ago. Talk about wanting to kick holes through a wall for a month straight.)

Alge Crumpler fell through of course, just like the offer we made to Daniel Graham last year, who left the Patriots to sign with the Broncos. Some people have suggested we make an offer for Jeremy Shockey, and I say whoever suggests that is a blasphemous assclown that should be savagely beaten with a wooden cooking spoon. Shockey might be a decent player, but he’s a loudmouth tantrum-prone whiner who’s also getting old.

I say draft a tight end first; and as far as who, I’m not even going to begin to speculate. There’s so much out there on the market that I have literally no idea what the hell Ruskell might be thinking right about now. I just hope we get someone who’s a quality addition and is ready to ride the long wave to a season where the Seahawks pound the living shit out of opponent after opponent.

Speaking of opponents, I’m 99% sure the Patriots are on our list this year, which is scary, despite their historic Super Bowl collapse. If Junior Seau hasn’t retired by now, I have no idea what he might be smoking, but I do think I might want some. If you’re 37 and can still hit other human beings that hard, you should either quit now or face the fact that you’re probably going to kill yourself in the process.

All this and WE STILL NEED A FREAKING KICKER. Anyone have any ideas as to who the hell we could get? And don’t tell me we’re drafting one. That’s about as risky as painting yourself red and gold and streaking into Oakland Coliseum and screaming “JOE MONTANA FOREVER, SHITHEADS!!” right into the faces of the fans in the Black Hole seating area. Like drafting a kicker, that idea should be given about 2 seconds worth of thought before you realize you’ve probably been the victim of some bizarre drug experiment.

Ok. That’s enough of that for now, I’d say. Here’s hoping that Ruskell keeps things together in the coming months. (And cutting Shaun Alexander would be a nice start.)